Six Day Week

It’s been more than a week since I last posted so I guess I should hit you all with the latest news.

Last week was a strange one from start to finish. It began with me being knackered after the Hash, but pleased to have finally done something vaguely approaching exercise, and ended with me starting a full-time job. So what happened inbetween?

While recovering from my hashing debut, I had a call from Charlie BN and discovered he had once again spent three weeks in hospital, with some new ailment that the docs couldn’t explain. Kind of puts any woes of my own into perspective but thankfully he was out again and seemed in decent spirits at least.

By mid-week I decided it was time to stop hoping that a job would fall into my lap and start applying for things. Up to now my job hunting had largely involved hassling the contacts I have out here, and that had got me nowhere. I found a job website, much to my surprise, and applied for a couple of writing jobs and before I knew it I had two interviews on Thursday.

One was to help re-write a travel companies website, basically what I have been doing for Nir, but they were unable to pay much but I liked the guy and the company and said I would do it on a freelance basis. They also said I might be able to get a few freebies such as rafting trips or hotel stays so that’s a good incentive.

The second was with a company called WaitUK, set up by a Nepali guy called Sanjeev who lived in England for around 14 years. Essentially, they build websites for UK and US clients, so they undercut the opposition but still get paid in dollars and pounds, making them pretty profitable. I was offered a salary of R40,000 a month (that’s about £400) which is pretty decent and told there would be room for more. I am essentially writing content for the sites they are designing and while it is good to be working and earning again (despite the six-day week), this is a long way from what I had in mind when I came over here so I remain sceptical about how long I'll be here for. They have offered to sort my visa out, but experience tells me not to get too excited about that.

On Friday I also had a meeting with the Tourist Board in an attempt to get a job with them, which is far more likely to keep me here beyond July, but after being told I would have a wait of 15 minutes and that stretched into five hours, I was then told the metting wasn’t going to happen, I was pretty annoyed. Still, I was some amusing things in the office adjoining the CEO’s such as a Yak Attack 2010 plaque and a brochure entitled "Workshop or Training for the Training of Trainers", not sure why, but that amused me.

I had another meeting with them on Sunday and again never got to see the CEO, but will put a case in writing to them and see if I can persuade them that way to give me a job and help out a bit with Cricket on Everest 2011.

On Friday I had a call from new boss Sanjeev saying he had heard about a flat that is walking distance from the office and would I like him to show it to me on Saturday. Seemed like a good idea but when I got to the office we just ended up in some horrendous bar/disco drinking beers for the next five hours. All I’ll say is that it is useful to know you can out-drink your boss.

Despite the general progress that is being made I have felt a bit down lately, which I guess was inevitable at some point. I think it is probably a bit of homesickness combined with feeling a little cooped up in Nir’s small flat. Everyone here is great, but nothing can replace the easy banter and laughs you have with the people you have known forever. That’s what I miss most.

Hashing and Immaturity

“The Hash – A Drinking Club with a Running problem”

Of all the many ways I found the Hash described I think the above is the most appropriate. Despite the slightly suspect name I can assure you all (Mum) that it has nothing to do with a certain illegal substance, so we’ll put that one to bed now shall we! You can read a full definition of what it is by clicking here.

A few of the guys and girls out here had told me about these weekly “fun-runs” and suggested I come along and having finally run out of excuses I agreed to Becci’s suggestion that I give it a go this week. I was of course sold by the line: “You can always do the walk if you’d rather”.

Having no real idea what to expect I hopped in a cab with three of the girls and after a typically entertaining journey (which involved asking a girl sat on the corner for directions to be greeted with the response: “I sit on a street corner all day, how would I know”. Fair enough I thought) we collected a chap (called Apple) on route who knew the way, which was something of a result.

I was suffering a little from the night before and when told the route would take around three hours in circa 30 degree heat and be mostly uphill I was fully committed to my decision to walk. Having gone on about two runs in the past year this did not seem the time to return to the arena.

The rest of the afternoon was largely pleasant as we meandered through some fields and across streams, passing local houses and seeing people farming in the fields. There were five walkers and maybe 20-odd runners, but the route is designed so everyone finishes around the same time.

Once the uphill began I quickly regretted offering to carry some dude’s bag (who was running), and then discovered it to be a laptop. Didn’t get any thanks either mind you, tosser. Still, it was all very enjoyable and great to get a new view of Kathmandu.

The downhill was something of a struggle and I predictably ended up on my ass three times, which I decided to keep quiet about for fear of punishment (hash-crashes is the official name apparently). I was already lined up for do some ‘down-downs’ for being a Hash virgin and was also to be done for having my hand in my pocket. I shall read up more thoroughly on the rules next time as part of being a Hasher also seems to involve being a stitch-up merchant!

Another part of being a Hasher is the eventual awarding of a Hash-name. Generally these have to be earned and according to my research, many clubs: “go out of their way to make the name as bawdy, scatological, or offensive as possible.” Not unlike some of my friends then.

Numerous people were standing in a circle and downing glasses of quite revolting beer, but the highlight was most definitely when one of the girls, Vicky, who getting over excited at the fact everyone was drinking Star beer suggested they do star jumps upon finishing. When asked to demonstrate in the circle Hash-Hound Leader or whatever he’s called, Jimi, decided to simply thrown the beer in her face mid-jump. I’m not entirely sure how Vicky felt about this but it cracked me up something chronic. More of the same next week I hope.

As hinted above my sense of humour is famed for its immaturity, so I thought I would share a few small episodes that have made me chuckle uncontrollably in recent days. One was on the way to the Hash when I discovered there was a guy called Yogi who teaches Yoga. Yogi the Yoga teacher. Priceless.

On the same journey I was also told about a guy who signs off all his emails ‘All the very beast’. I am giving serious consideration to taking this up myself just to see what reaction I get.

Then, a few days ago while having another meal of rice and beans I was doing my duty of feeding the little lad at home when he tilted his head and gave me a rather quizzical look. He then lifted one cheek and let out an almighty fart. I was forced to leave the room for fear of actually peeing my pants.

Finally, and best of all, is the conversation I had with my friend Shambu the other day. I should point out that Shambu spends much of his time ruthlessly taking the piss out of everyone and anyone. He has a tattoo on his forearm which is some writing and for a while I had been wondering what it said so asked him and he replied that it just said his name. Naturally I made a gag along the lines of having this done in case he forgot what he is called.

His face then came over a little sad and he continued: “the only problem boss, is that when they write it they spell wrong. They put a P instead of a B”. I considered this for a moment and then said: “You mean they wrote Shampu on your arm?” I then lost total control and have been calling him Shampoo ever since, much to the amusement of everyone here.

So there you are, the little things that keep me going! I am sure they are not half as amusing being told as they were at the time, but I sense that finding ridiculous things to laugh at may just be the key to surviving out here. Thankfully, I am pretty good at that.

As a footnote, what a weekend of sport. Chelsea completed the League and Cup Double and England topped that by hammering Australia in the Twenty20 Final. Unreal. The company of a few key people was definitely missed last night, you know who you are.

Ups and Downs

I'm hungover. There's no point denying it any longer. I have been up and about for two hours now and my general condition is quite clearly deteriorating. The reasons for this situation are threefold.

Fold One
I woke up yesterday morning in fine fettle and decided the time was nigh to follow up on the job mentioned in my previous post. This took most of the morning and during the exchange of text messages I decided to go for lunch with Prakash. Now, Prakash is a legend and I've got to know him pretty well during the last couple of weeks. He was saying yesterday how he is struggling for work and has not done any guiding since October. That's seven months without pay. I had in mind that should I get this job he would be the first person I'd hire and decided to mention this to him as I felt he needed cheering up and I was feeling very positive about things. At that exact moment my phone beeped saying the job was dead in the water.

The reason I was given was because of the visa, but I really got the impression the bloke simply couldn't be arsed to organise it (whch would be in keeping with the general style of management that I've heard the place uses), so I replied saying I was happy to organise it myself since I know a few Government people. His response was that would be illegal. Bollocks it would. Anyway, this was rather disappointing and I spent the rest of the afternoon in a sulk.

Fold Two
I was meeting Becci and some of her friends for dinner. I actually managed to find the restaurant without getting horribly lost, which was a first, and met up with the guys. Without going into too much detail we all had a very pleasant meal and a few beers and having met at 7pm we went our seperate ways at around 9:30 with promises to do such things more often. It was never going to take long for the social life to get up and running.

Fold Three
England won a semi-final of a major tournament. I really should not need to say more on that front, and the couple of Everest beers in Tom & Jerrys undoubtedly did more damage than the Carlsbergs at the restaurant.

So there we are, that is why I feel rubbish today. I am supposed to meet more people tonight for a leaving do which will invariably involved more booze. It's just as well I don't let little things like cash get in the way of life isn't it?

Back To (relative) Normality

The strike is over and may I be the first to say thank God for that! Last week was pretty weird in that everything was shut and the normally hectic Thamel was a total ghost town. This morning however I was nearly run over twice and asked if I wanted to "smoke" three times before 9am, so normal service has definitely resumed.

It is hard to describe just what it was like. I guess the best way to imagine it is if you're living in Clapham knowing full well that there are huge protests going on in Waterloo and Westminster, but where you are is not really affected except for shops being shut and there being zero traffic. The streets were full of people playing cricket, football and rather randomly, badminton, and all the kids were pretty happy with the situation because there was no school either.

Anyway, to other news. I hear back home everyone in Parliament is going to be hung, so that's good. I wonder how you all voted, except Kirtley who has made his hatred of all things Labour very clear!

I was offered a job a week ago. It was all very random, and for those who word has not yet reached, it seems highly likely that should I be granted a working visa I will soon be running my own resort. I've not yet had a proper look at the place, but it has a gym, pool, squash court, tennis courts a restaurant and at least one bar. I will also live on-site and it is in a much nicer and quieter part of town - in that the Maoist leader will no longer be my next door neighbour, which would be nice!

How I got this position is a funny story in itself which generally involved putting lots of nonsense on my CV because, and I quote, "that is how things work out here". Good to know that! My first job will of course be to ban all spitting and sack any staff member who spends the day hocking and sounding like they're about to throw up. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst thing about this place. I cannot get used to it at all. It is the first noise I hear in the morning (mixed in with the farmyard animals) and the last thing I hear at night. Garbage.

So, running this place would be something of a fresh challenge and by all accounts it's a great place that just needs a bit of a kick up the arse. My friend Becci, who lives round the corner from it, said: "it's the kind of place where they're quite happy to spend hours putting petals in water to look pretty, but then they don't clean the toilets". Hmm - room for improvement then I think.

My other great challenge will be that of beard maintenance. I really need to find a pair of clippers or something because I simply can't have a repeat of the episode that took place a week ago, which can best be described as assault. Nir decided to take me to a nice "local" barbers which would cost about 40 rupees(around 30 pence) for a beard trim. After the bloke went to town on my face and removed all of about three hairs, he then, without warning, decided to give me some form of impromptu massage. I am confident he was not qualified. This "massage" basically involved punching me in the spine and jabbing between my ribs before administering Chinese burns on both my arms then yanking each finger and thumb. It was all I could manage not to punch the bloke in the face.

Other than that Kim Jong-Il continues to amuse me and I have now successfully taught him how to high-five. Perhaps my single greatest achievement in life to date (OK, I am sure that like the rest of us he would have figured it out eventually for himself, but to have a one-year-old high-fiving with great delight is damn entertaining). My next task is to teach him how to ride a motorbike.

Making like the Bee Gees

“The thing about riots is that they tend to be concentrated in one part of a city. The truth is there could be mass protests happening and yet just two or three streets over you would have no idea.” - Tim Cahill, 'Road Fever'

This quote has somewhat dominated my thoughts when I have occasioned to leave the house during the last few days, I have no idea what might be around the corner. It is very difficult to know exactly what is going on, mainly because all the news channels are in Nepali and everyone I ask simply says “it's not good.” This was highlighted when I discovered this morning that the police had administered a couple of beatings.

The Maoist demonstrations were scheduled to start on Sunday, but the workers union decided to jump on the bandwagon and do their own protest on Saturday, meaning that most of the city was locked down anyway. These were perfectly peaceful and I even went out walking with Nir & Prakash for around four hours and took in the crowds.

The way it has worked is that the Maoists have given villagers from the hill regions a couple of hundred rupees as payment for joining the protests. They then come to Kathmandu and shout what they're told to, meanwhile the rebels go to local businesses and demand “donations” for their “worthy cause” of around R6000, which is why everything is shut as that is a crap load of cash to these guys.

The rebels have tried to find accommodation in public buildings for these out-of-towners but many are left on the streets, which has led to bugs spreading. I'm confident that a load of people suffering from diarrhoea is hardly conducive to peaceful protests.

Where the problem really kicks in however, is when the locals in Kathmandu get fed up of being unable to earn. Many people here live on a day-to-day basis, so what they earn from their shop or whatever, they use to buy food for that night. So far everything has been shut for three days, and the longer that goes on the more likely the Kathmandu residents will start fighting back in an attempt to get rid of the rebels, then it gets nasty. In 2006 the demonstrations lasted 18 days.

I saw thousands of people on my Saturday walk, and then on Sunday morning when I came back up to Thamel a massive group marched past me. In truth about half looked under 16 and one guy had his headphones in, so really did not seem that interested. It was all peaceful enough but that evening I was back in town to try and catch Liverpool v Chelsea and was in an upstairs bar. I heard shouts from the streets and looked out the window to see thousands of rebels running through the streets carrying burning torches. It was dark and was actually quite a frightening sight, especially with the shouting and hollering, they looked like the Ork Amy from Lord of the Rings. I reckon there was a couple of thousand at least.

I have ventured out a couple of times since, but am staying pretty close to home. I have numerous other stories to tell since my last post, some really rather amusing, but they don't seem that relevant right now.

Riot Doodle

It has been an interesting week so far. Home life remains much as it is pictured above while perhaps the most important piece of news I have received is that Rum Doodle still stands -woohooo! Word is out that it has in fact just moved location, I have yet to find out where of course, and spent about an hour wandering the streets last Friday (during my meltdown) trying to find it, but to no avail. Yesterday however I heard from an acquaintance that he had dinner there just a few days ago, so I can now breathe easy.

Well, I can breathe easy until Saturday. It would appear, as those who have seen my Facebook status will be aware, that Kathmandu is about to go into mass political upheaval. This is not unusual, but from the tone I've been picking up it sounds like it will be the most serious since 2006 when my good friend Kirtley got tear-gassed on a bus (wish I was there to see that). Basically, it's the Maoists again. I can't be bothered to go into a full and probably boring essay on this, but basically these guys have been a rebel faction for some time but rather surprisingly won the last election after the King got booted out. However, the PM fell out with everyone because nobody would let him put his maniac soldiers into the national army; he resigned leaving a typically weak coalition government in charge.

He seems to have been sitting quietly for a while but has decided now is the time to kick up a fuss and by that I mean overthrow the current Prime Minister. The PM himself has said that he will happily stand down for anyone...except the Maoist leader. What a conundrum. Anyway, talks are ongoing at the moment and if a solution is not reached by close of business tomorrow then all hell will break loose, so fingers crossed. Thas has not been helped by the son of the former King popping back into the country and sounding off about something as well. Everyone seems to hate the government and has lost all faith in politics in this country (sound familiar to those in the UK?), this week 8,000-ish schools where closed because everyone was fed up with the hike in fees.

Now, I was hoping to escape all this chaos by running off to Pokhara on an all-expenses paid trip to do a little cricket-related work for Aamir, but that went out of the window yesterday when a rather surprising job opportunity came my way. I won't say anything about it now for fear that nothing comes of it, but have a second meeting tomorrow and will see how that goes. Should it come off it means I will have my own place in a rather quieter area and will no longer be kept awake by the various farmyard animals and now the recent drilling that has started in the building next door. Oh, and I may also be able to finally get a warm shower - so far I have managed three out of a possible 18. Not a great return.

Last note, I have finally finished uploading all the pictures of various treks in Kathmandu to the Peace Nepal Treks Facebook page and would be hugely grateful if everyone could give it the thumbs up. The more fans we have the better it looks - I have also had to upload the pictures three at a time, which has taken about 30 minutes each go. Next step is to sort the website. Favourite cool picture below.

Meltdowns, Monkeys and Kim Jong Il

Right, what news? Well, as promised I celebrated The anniversary of The Everest Test in Tom & Jerry's bar on Wednesday night with a couple of quiet ales. It was great to walk in there again and be greeted by the bar staff who immediately pointed to our picture behind the bar and t-shirt on the wall and started asking when we were doing it again. It felt like a bit of a home-coming and I actually felt guilty that it had taken me two weeks to visit the place!

Thursday and Friday were not quite so satisfying. The power situation in this place is enough to drive the most chilled person up the wall. Generally the power is off between the hours of 12-6pm, so yeah, the entire working day. Given that I am trying to re-do a website and upload various bits and pieces online, this is somewhat frustrating. On Thursday I basically read my book all day refusing to give in to the growing fury of failed uploads, but on Friday I could take it no more.

When midday hit and the power was cut just seconds before an upload completed, that had taken four hours, I had to take myself for a walk in case I threw all my toys out of the pram in front of my Nepali hosts, which probably wouldn't have been the best. Their day of course was largely untroubled as they sat drinking tea and reading the papers...

Still, a quiet bar with a roof-top terrace was discovered and I then had a text from a girl I was put in touch with by northern monkey Phil Deacon who is also living out here, so I joined her and a mate for a beer before getting back to work at 6pm, without killing anyone.

They “work” a six-day week here with Saturday being the only day off. Nir and I were up at 7am as we planned to visit the Monkey Temple (perhaps a subconscious tribute to my northern friends?) which is a major sight in Kathmandu but I had as yet failed to go and see it, although the top can be seen from my house.

We walked over and it was already damn hot, and as predicted the place was full of monkeys. And dogs. Wild, hairy, flea-ridden dogs, which made me a tad uneasy, especially when I saw one chasing a child probably no older than eight. Still, you get good views from up there, as I had hoped after the several hundred-step climb up, and as we strolled back down it was actually quite peaceful.

Then it was a full day with the family. During the last week I've been getting on pretty well with them all, particularly the little fella who I have recently decided looks uncannily like Kim Jong Il, especially when he puts on my glasses. He has a habit of repeating everything I say and then running around in a circle before he falls over, which is always quite entertaining. He did offend me slightly the other day when asking why I was so much larger than his DaDa, and so I politely pointed out that if he kept stuffing his face with lolly-pops he'd be much larger soon too. That told him.

Not really sure what's going to happen next week, I had a rather odd call from Aamir today saying that we may be off to Pokhara, although I have no idea how long for and I sure as hell hope he doesn't expect me to pay for any of it! I guess I'll keep you posted on that one.

In signing off I hope everyone who was stuck overseas has made it home, from what I've heard the weather in England has been unseasonably warm. It's much the same over here but with an added dose of mosquito's. I even managed to get a bite on my eyelid the other day, which left me looking a little frightening. Ah well.